


The Star That Once Used To Shine Too Bright

by Gemini_Baby



Series: Starlit [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Batkids Age Reversal AU, Brotherly Bonding, Dick Grayson Needs a Hug, Dick Grayson is Robin, Dick Grayson is baby, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Reunions, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, Jason Todd-centric, Nightmares, Post Traumatic Disorder - PTSD, Resurrected Jason Todd, Self- Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Self-Worth Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:21:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27354898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gemini_Baby/pseuds/Gemini_Baby
Summary: Jason Todd died at thirteen.At fourteen, Jason Todd was resurrected and came back to Gotham.Back to his life before dying.But...his life now isn't what it was before dying.For one, Bruce is dead. The Wayne Family no longer lives at the manor. There is a new Batman in city. And oh, there may or may not be a small bundle in the picture dubbed as his little brother.OR: Reverse Robins, Jason, Resurrection, PTSD, Brotherly Bonding -- a match made in heaven
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Jason Todd & Damian Wayne
Series: Starlit [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2099679
Comments: 13
Kudos: 169





	The Star That Once Used To Shine Too Bright

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jinmukang](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jinmukang/gifts).



> jin asked:
> 
> Hi Gem!!! Can I ask for Reverse Age AU on your bingo card? I've had this idea in my head where Jason still dies in reverse au, and when he comes back instead of finding Tim "replacing" him it's baby Dick, and I'd love to see your take on that. You can go as angsty or as fluffy as you like, and you don't even have to do the plot if you don't want to. Thanks! Ilysm!!!
> 
> Ilysm jin!! I hope you like this <3

The sky was grey and the road the bus was driving on was rocky. But then everything about Gotham was dark, gloomy and rocky. The clouds covered the sky, blocking the sun. It was not raining, yet. It was drizzling for now. The drops fogging and wetting the glass of the bus’ window. He kept looking outside. The outside looked very unsettling. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to stop looking and divert his gaze elsewhere. It was supposed to be raining soon but it wasn’t the faint fragrance of the wet sand, after it would drizzle or rain, he could smell. Instead, the smell of ashes and burnt flesh kept assaulting his nose.

It started to rain soon. The bus continued its drive on the path. The tiny rain droplets ending up on the window kept sliding down. All he could think was about how everything good just slides and then drops after their span is over. Little droplets of rain. Wax of a candle. Children.

The bus came across a street where the water had gathered. Jason kept looking outside. Gaze towards the water. The tires of the bus drove through it, sending big splashes flying everywhere. All he could see was flying debris.

The weather was cold, airy and rainy.

He felt too hot and was suffocated.

The bus had a determined route. Reach Gotham. Leave Gotham, after dropping passengers, go to the cities in the route. Go back to Gotham.

The bus had a determined route. Determined destiny.

Jason didn’t.

He was not sure where he would go if he left Gotham. If this trip failed.

He didn’t have any place else to go.

People usually go back where they came from when things don’t work out.

But what was back for him?

Was there any back to return for him?

_ (Warehouse. Grave.) _

_ (He did not want ‘back’ to be back to the warehouse or back to the grave.) _

_ (His lungs still felt the lack of air and his nails still hurt.) _

  
  
  


Jason was back. From the grave. From the dead. Back-back. He had been thrown into the void and then thrown back. Seemed like his life was a game. Before dying, Jason remembered being happy. Maybe for a brief time. But  _ happy _ . But now? Now he was not sure where he stood. T had given him an envelope to give to Damian. She had told him about the newest addition to their family, in hopes to mentally prepare him so that it does not come across as a surprise or a threat later and Lazarus' effect doesn’t rear its ugly head. So yeah, Jason appreciated knowing beforehand. Didn’t mean he was any less anxious though. Then there was the whole grief and a thousand feelings sinking his heart, since the minute he had heard that Bruce was dead. The one parent who cared for him (aside from Catherine);  _ dead _ .

The bus reached the stop. People started getting off the bus. Most of the people’s postures screamed they were happy to be back to Gotham. To home. Despite it being a hellhole city, it was that to all the Gothamites.  _ Home. _

Jason’s posture didn’t scream excitement to be back. Not when he dragged himself off the bus with heavy steps.

  
  
  
  


The penthouse stood large. Not scary like the manor or out of the city giving it a feeling of creepy and haunting. It was not as big as the manor, of course. And it was in the middle of the city. Anyone else might have been thankful. Jason wasn’t. The air of comfort or welcome he had come to associate with the manor was not there. It wasn’t to say that the building was uninviting. Rather, Jason was not sure if he would be invited inside at all.

His dad was not going to be here, his mind reminded him. He hated the reminder. Because it also meant he was  _ again _ reminded that it was not the case of being out of town or in outer space and instead, him being dead.

Trying to control his breathing and not focus too much on him actually having a panic attack, he continued his approach towards the door.

He hated that the thing having him most afraid in a long time and his heart threatening to jump out was actually so small; knocking the door. He kept standing there for a while. Looking out of place. Alien. Zombie. 

_ (Unwanted.) _

_ (Trespasser.) _

He was not sure how long he kept standing there. Just staring at the door and kept looking between the bell switch and the door as they had somehow personally offended him.

( _ Maybe.) _

He gave the thought to just leave and not proceed to do what he came here for, a couple of times.

But a voice whispered inside him something about he had already died. Nothing that would happen now would be worse than what he had already faced: a betrayal, a woman who had sold him off to the disgrace to all clowns and had succeeded in making him doubts almost all mothers in this world to the point that he did not currently want to admit the fact that Talia had been sort of a mother to him these past months; a mother other than Catherine who  _ cared,  _ had seen Sheila laugh while he was being tortured and the only time had shown a sliver of concern was when her own life had been threatened, a father’s love who he was now insecure about; thinking if it ever had been there.

( _ Broken.) _

_ (Broken heart. Broken bones.) _

_ (He was broken.) _

He considered leaving.

He didn’t.

His hand didn’t go for the doorbell either.

He considered leaving again.

This time his hand went to the doorbell, there against it but not pressing it.

He turned at the last second before he could press it that it would ring inside.

The big mirror outside the coffee shop across the street reflected a person.

Jason didn’t recognize them.

They looked…. _ hollow. _

Curious, he took a step away from the penthouse and towards the unsettling image of the person.

The image moved.

Oh.

_ Oh.  _

He scrambled back fast and hard, hitting the wall, the sound of the doorbell echoing from inside the penthouse. No doubt alerting everyone to the arrival of the person they surely could and would do better than knowing.

He was ready to bolt. But maybe it was too late.

“Who?”

He heard the voice and turned back in surprise.

_ (Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.) _

“Master Jason?”

_____________________________________

He sat on the sofa across them. Door in his view. Damian was reading the letter. He knew not much time had passed since he gave the letter but it still felt like forever. Damian was taking too much time in reading the letter. The clock on the wall behind Jason disagreed. Still, Jason knew Damian could speed read things. He had seen him do that many times in the past. Especially when he used to read to Jason or sometimes used to speedread the chapter of Jason’s textbook to help him when Jason would go to him for help. Jason tried to gulp down that memory with water. Water. He was dissociating, it seemed. He did not remember Alfred passing him a glass of water and him drinking from it. Not until some memories bubbled up on the surface, threatening to spillover and he had been forced to force them down, right now with the water.

Damian was taking more time. More time than he normally would. Jason was a bit sympathetic. It was his mother’s handwriting and her words. Of course, Damian would be taking more time. He loved and respected his parents too much and Jason respected that. Somewhere deep down, he feared that Damian would be furious with him. Or angry. Or maybe jealous. Because Jason was cared for, for months, by Damian’s mother. Sent by her. And if T was right, their dad had also pushed them away after Jason. It wasn’t like Jason asked Bruce and Talia to love him or asked Bruce to push everyone else away. He was happy to be loved. But he knew what it felt like to be alienated.

His eldest brother had been forced to return to the League. And after Bruce -

Some months back, he had been forced to return back to Gotham. At least for a while.

So yeah, Jason knew Damian was not happy. He also knew that he might be asked to leave to where he came from. Jason was not ready to go back. To step out of the door. Even after knowing full well that he might not even be welcome here. Or maybe he would be offered a room; a physical welcome back but not really accepted back. The latter was what scared him more. Put him on more edge than being asked to leave.

Damian locked his gaze with him. Jason was once again reminded why his eldest brother was the one criminals loved to avoid. Remembered how when Shadow would be visiting the town, the rogues would lie low. He was the same as the Flamebird. Ex-Flamebird, now. If Jason had heard correctly; that he had passed the mantle to Tim. Kon had become Nightwing after Jon left, giving his mantle to his younger brother. Tim had become Flamebird to Kon’s Nightwing soon after. Jason wanted to ask Damian how he had been doing. If he was holding up okay. After Jon leaving, Colin dying, Maya missing, Suren moving to some other planet with his friend, Bruce dying, him becoming responsible for the youngest son he left behind and trying to run WE because Tim was away, leaving the company behind, Damian had been dealing with a lot. No one knew when it would become so much in his plate that it would fall to the floor breaking things even more apart. It would happen after a long time of silence, for sure. Startling them only when everything good would have drifted away, leaving the shards of a broken person behind.

Jason was worried about his eldest brother. But right now, he was more worried about the way Damian had been looking at him. Mainly because Jason could  _ not  _ read Damian. And this was unsettling. Very unsettling. Their stoic brother used to have the face, full of expressions and open when he would be around them. Seeing the opposite right now made Jason even more anxious than before. Or maybe...maybe it was Jason’s fault. Damian was open around the family. Maybe Jason was not family. Not anymore.

He had been ready for all of this and yet,  _ yet _ ...it hurt. A lot.

Jason blinked. Damian folded the letter, putting it back in the envelope and placed the envelope back on the table. Jason stood up. It was time to leave. He had overstayed his welcome.

“Jason”, Damian said, a bit hesitant. His voice stopped him from going towards the door.

He didn’t know what Damian had to say to him but he turned towards him anyways.

He was not sure of this sight. Didn’t know if he should believe his eyes. There Damian was sitting on the other sofa with arms extended and opened wide.

Jason blinked. The scene didn’t change.

It took a lot of effort for him to not go over the coffee table in between.

His heart was beating too fast. He slid into the embrace, arms encircled around him.

They stayed like that. For a while.

Damian’s hug was like Damian. Warm. Protective. Safe.

Jason let himself melt in there. 

Damian reluctantly pulled back. “Go and freshen up a bit. Eat something. Rest.”

Jason was ready to protest.

“And when you have rested after eating, I think it will be evening by then. Come to my room, then. We will talk in more detail.”

“Talk?”

“Nothing bad.”

“Yeah sure.”

“I promise: nothing bad. It is just that...I know your death was pretty traumatic. From what I know. And I know that I am not even aware of all the events. Death and resurrection...and dips in Lazarus pits….”

“You can just say you don’t trust me.”

“That’s not true.”

“Really?”

“ _ Really.” _

“So what are you even trying to tell me? That you are going to brief me about how I am a danger to the world. To society. To your...to your new responsibility. A bad influence.”

“I am  _ not _ going to say any of these things.”

“Sure.”

“I am not going to say these things. And I don’t believe these things either.”

“Go, Jason. I don’t know how to assure you but it is not going to be any of the things you are fearing right now.”

Damian placed a soft kiss on his forehead. Seemed like he wasn’t mad at Jason.

But if there was a lesson, among many other lessons, his life had taught him was that nothing was stable.

  
  


Surprisingly, the nap was good.

He left for Damian’s room as he had been asked to, earlier. In his route, he came across the living room and adjacent kitchen. Alfred was doing something and the little addition was talking about something very animatedly. The soft smile on Alfred’s face was very visible.  _ Of course. _ Why was Jason even surprised? He had thought him and Alfred were close. But the older man had never given him the attention as he was giving Dick right now. Never smiled so openly around him. Figures. 

Damian might have insisted otherwise. Might insist otherwise even more, now. But Jason could see. And he could hear what they were not telling him. He was not stupid! He could tell when people didn’t want him around. He walked away from the room.

The door to Damian’s room was open and it was dark inside. He called for Damian a couple of times but did not get any response. He entered anyway. Damian had been the one to call him here.

Damian was asleep. Jason sat on the edge of the bed. He did not want to disturb Damian. Especially when earlier he had looked like barely slept for some days.

Right now, he didn’t look like he had intentionally gone to nap. He was sprawled on the bed, his files spread around them. Must have fallen asleep. Jason removed the files, careful as to not disturb Damian. He arranged the blankets on him, hoping that those would help. He would have maybe shifted Dami but the thought that it might wake him up stopped him. Because if Damian woke up, he won’t go to sleep again.

He did not know why but he himself started dozing off for some reason. So he lied down on the side of the bed.

When he woke up, it was to an arm thrown over him and blankets covering him.

“Go back to sleep.”

“Sure?”

“Sleep, little brother.”

“Only if you do too.”

He heard an amused sigh. But the shifting told him that Damian had agreed.

  
  
  
  


Apparently Damian wanted him to talk about feelings. Or anything he would want to talk about.

Jason was confused. Why would he want to talk about all that stuff? Maybe… just maybe, with Bruce. With his Dad. But telling that to Damian would be wrong. It might hurt him. That was the last thing Jason wanted. So instead, Jason just asked if it was okay to stay. Or be held. The answer was yes.

  
  
  
  
  


“Jason. You are my brother as much as he is”

“Yeah, keep telling me that”

The days they insisted those kinds of things were hurtful. More than the green threatening and scaring him in his nightmares. Because nightmares can be somewhat brushed off after telling oneself that they aren’t real. But how does one avoid or forget the reality? The reality that screamed everything Jason needed to know.

All the talks, in the days that came, about being brothers with Dick were the most unbearable ones.

  
  
  


“ _ You _ have a little brother now”

“So?” 

“It’s your time to be a big brother”

“But-”

“While also being a kid yourself”

“I-”

  
  
  


“You are my little brother too.”

“You are only agreeing to keep me around because you feel obligated.”

“Why do you think that?’

“You have  _ him.” _

“Jay”

“Jay, look at me.”

“Do you think Father didn’t love me?”

“I did not say that.”

“I didn’t say that you said that. I asked you if you think that.”

Jason replied only with a shake of his head.

“But Father also had you. He also had other kids, after me”

“But it’s different. Especially now”

“He’s gone”

“He is. But his love for you isn’t. His love for you is not gone. And neither is ours.”

  
  
  
  


“Mother’s letter mentions the pits”

“Yeah“

“She had to drop me there because I was not very responsive and Ra’s was after me.”

“I am sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I feel like I am the one who has the most to be sorry for.”

“You  _ don’t. _ ”

  
  
  


Still there was a question that used to bug him. He had been wanting to voice it. Today he took the chance. .

“Is it true?”

“Hm?”

The rumours I have heard”

“That you killed  _ him. _ ”

“I did.”

“ _ Thank you. _ ”

  
  
  
  
  
  


“I am sure as the time passes, you both would be inseparable. And the bane of my existence.”

“I doubt that.”

  
  


Jason comes up with a plan. The best plan. The best plan to deal with the little bundle called his now-younger-brother: Avoid his little brother as much as possible. As one does.

  
  
  


Damian was doing something in the kitchen.

….With chicken of all things.

“What are you doing?”

“Making soup.”

“Why?”

“Why not?”

“....Chicken soup?”

“Richard is...not feeling well.”

  
  


_ “You are sick.” _

_ “No. I can patrol.” _

  
  


_ “You are sick.” _

_ “But - “ _

_ “It’s okay to take breaks, Jason. I do too.” _

_ “But we should be out patrolling.” _

_ “Let’s stay inside tonight. You can rest and watch tv. Alfred will make your favourite soup.” _

_ “Will you stay?” _

_ “Yes.” _

  
  
  


There was no reason for Jason to stay.

He left the kitchen.

One day when he won’t be being a coward, he would leave their lives.

The kid was hanging from the ledge of the stairs. He could fall. Alfred was down there. Watching over him. Amused. Jason left for the study room.

  
  
  
  


The darkness was too much. The light came. But by that time, the huge heaps of sand had started falling over him. He was digging out. And getting buried again. His nails hurt. The sand assaulted his mouth, eyes and nose. There was a tiny space to look outside still. He kept looking at it, trying to hold his hope longer, desperately. Suddenly, the light became too bright. Too much. Then it lit all the sand, the mud where he was, on fire. Then the sand was flying everywhere. It kept flying everywhere. It threw Jason out. On the road. And then a car came. Sending him flying once again.

  
  


Jason woke up heaving. Trying to breathe.  _ He couldn’t breathe. _

_ There was fire. There was a lack of air. There was suffocation. There was suffering. There was a car slamming. _

He could not breathe. He. Could. Not. Breathe.

There were hands rubbing at his back. Before Jason even knew what he was doing, he had hit the owner of that hand. Hard. But the rubbing of his back did not stop. Though the hand might have been changed.

He was breathing better now.

When he turned to his side, he could see a bruise forming on the hand he had hit earlier.

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not.”

“It’s fine.”

“I didn’t know - ”

“I know.”

He didn’t know when but the tears had started slipping from his eyes. Before he knew, he was being pulled back. Being held. His head tucked under Damian’s chin. He let himself cry.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jason left his room to go and get a glass of water. The kid was this time hanging on the stair ledge too. Doing his tricks. Or whatever. But no one was around right now. Alfred was out for grocery shopping. Damian was in the study room, attending a meeting of WE.

The kid’s grip slipped. He was falling.

Jason raced towards him. Thankfully, he was able to catch the little bundle before it would have been broken like a vase. The kid was hugging him tightly. Jason put him down some minutes later. But the kid didn’t lose his grip.

So Jason went to the sofa. Sat them both down this way. Again, he tried to untangle himself. But did not succeed.

The kid was pretty shaken.

He tried his best to reassure him. Later, he yelled for Damian. He did not care about how important the meeting was for Damian. His kid needed him more.

  
  


Jason woke up with a start. Looking around, he was confused for a moment because it was not his room. Then he remembered that they all had fallen asleep in the living room, in a pile, bundled up together. He had woken others too, it seemed. Because the small bundle was looking at him with big, bright eyes. Jason hated it. But then the bundle moved and hugged him. And all Jason could do was lie there. And hug him back.

  
  
  


“Thank you for saving me.”

“Huh?”

“When I fell.”

“...Don’t mention it, kid.”

“Kid?  _ Kid?” _

“Why are you so surprised to find out that you are a kid.”

“You make it sound like you aren’t a kid.”

“I am not.”

“ _ You are.” _

“I am not.”

“Yes you are! You are only 4 years older than me.”

“ _ So?” _

“ _ I am ten! T. E. N. TEN!” _

“...”

“See ? See? See!”

“....”

“ _ Kid. Hahaha.” _

“Time to find out if you are ticklish.”

“Wha- Wait. No.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


“The findings are: You are ticklish.”

“I hate you.”

_ Ouch. “ _ Ouch.”

  
  
  


Jason was lying on the floor in the library, reading a book. The small bundle spotted him and approached him like a cat. Snuggling with him like one too. And then  _ demanded  _ that Jason read to him too. The little bundle was cute. And him having company while reading? Sign him up!

They read many stories together that day.

And many days later.

  
  
  


One night, Batman and Robin were late from patrol. Both him and Alfred were worried.

Then the batmobile returned. And the little bundle of the bird all but jumped out, holding a big bag. 

“Careful”

_ Huh _ .

That was the only thing Batman said and went to showers.

Robin ran towards Alfred. “We brought ice-cream!”

“I will bring the bowls.”

“I will go to sleep.”

“But we brought it for you too.”

“Thank you.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


Dick was acting  _ weird _ . He looked sad.

Jason didn't like that. 

But he didn’t know how to help. So he made hot chocolate for Dick. one mug for him and one mug for himself. Dick didn’t want to talk about it. But stayed curled up next to him for hours, while they read story books and played video games.

  
  


The kid was asleep curled up next to him. Just the thought of someone endangering his little brother made him angry. If anyone tried anything  _ funny,  _ Jason would kill them. And wasn't that a realization! Jason Todd was feeling  _ protective.  _ He was feeling protective for Dick. 

  
  


Jason Todd came to a  _ horrific  _ realization: He had become a protective older sibling. As one does. 

  
  
  
  
  


“You both did that again!”

“We did what?”

“Changed my phone background. Again.”

“Awww. Come on, Dami.”

  
  


“I already predicted all this.”

“I will give you that.”

“You two are inseparable now.”

“He is my little brother”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


___________________________________________

  
  
  
  


They were against too many things at the same time. And then Bruce appeared. 

  
  
  


“You could not have come back at lunch tomorrow? Like a normal person?”

Bruce looked surprised to see Damian as Batman. And Dick as his Robin.

Dick hugged him. Happy to see Bruce back.

But the real surprise was when he saw Jason.

  
  


“Jaylad?”

Jason also hugged him. And Bruce hugged him back.

_ His dad was back! _

_ And was hugging him! _

  
  


Maybe things would get better.

He had his dad and brothers to help too.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos, comments, bookmarks, user subscriptions are always welcome and appreciated
> 
> If you want to say hi or follow, I am geminibabyhere on tumblr


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